i make little comics sometimes. the amount of time and detail or precision dedicated to each one varies quite a bit, and often my goal is just to make something that feels good in the moment to make. some are digital, but most are quickly drawn in a notebook with a ballpoint pen.
16, 2017sometimes i feel like i am still 16.because i only felt 16 for a secondand i keep waiting for that feeling to come backbut it still hasn't, and i just keep getting older.
next year, 2017i'm starting to realizehow different things will benext year.
tired, drawn in 2017, colored and inked nov 2018 - CW: really visible veins in an armi am sick of being scared.i am tired of being tired.just let me be ___.
come back, drawn in 2017, inked nov 2018the last few days have been okaywhich makes me kind of sadbecause now i'm just waitingfor the bad to come back
loose (repetition comic #1), nov 2018everything feels loosefeels loosefeels loosef e e l s . l o o s e
what to do (repetition comic #2), nov 2018i don't know what i'm supposed to do.i don't know what i'm supposed to do.i don't know what i'm supposed to do.
where or what (repetition comic #3), nov 2018how am i supposed to decide what to do nextor even where i'm supposed to goor what i'm supposed to door where i'm supposed to go.
loose - digitized (repetition comic #1, again), nov 2018everything feels loosefeels loosefeels loosef e e l s . l o o s e
awake (repetition comic #4), dec 2018i want to feel awake.i want to feel awake.i want to feel awake.
fake, jan 2019 - TW: dissociation, negative self-talkwhy is everything still so fuzzywhy didn't things go back to how i rememberwhy am i standing in my bathroom at 4 am thinking about the cavities i can't afford to filli'm a fake. everything i do is fake.none of it's real and none of it mattersi hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it
pathetic (repetition comic #5), february 2019 - TW: negative self-talki feel like maybe i am pathetic.i feel like maybe i am pathetic.i feel like maybe i am pathetic.
curtains, june 2019 - TW: insecti stare up at my curtains in the middle of the night and i talk to myself out loud.i don't know why i'm up. i have nothing to gain from being tired again tomorrow.i'm trying to focus on this song, but i can't make it past the second verse. i have to keep restarting.
fleas, summer 2019 - TW: parasites/fleas, panic attackmy face feels fucked up/like it's covered in fleas/my whole body feels like that/i feel like i can't fucking breathe/what the fuck
i don't want to do this (repetition comic #6), october 2019i don't want to do this.
shoes, october 2019these new shoes hurt so bad on monday./i went back to my navy shows for a while./the heels i got with the tiny base made me realize my foot definitely still isn't healed./i wish i could wear my ratty sneakers to work, but i know i probably shouldn't.
i’m always almost talking about the last year and a half (or different/same), april 2020sometimes i think, what if i'd gotten that job i applied for at guayaki back in 2018.i think that house i was looking at in forestville was in the flood zone.i think, in a couple universes, i probably did get the job. i think i'm happy for those alternate selves.i wish i could see what their lives look like.what things are different.what things are the same.
haha, oh. huh., sept 2020 - TW: PTSD"Do u think that I could have PTSD?" "Yes I have always just assumed u have it""Haha I agree with her.""THEY BOTH THINK SO AND SHE SAID SHE HAD ALWAYS JUST ASSUMED I DID!!!" "oh lmao I also just always assumed u did.""YES, I DO THINK YOU HAVE IT.""HAHA, OH. HUH."
about the repetition comics
i started making the repetition comics during a time where i felt like i needed to talk about how i was feeling, but also felt like all i could do was repeat myself over and over. i think making them helped some.
